Okay...to be honest, January tends to seem to last forever - maybe because it's cold and miserable most of the month? Maybe because you start dreaming of warmer weather when you can get outside and do something without freezing half to death? Or because of the fact that your already starting to get tired of the cold and the month just seems to drag? I'm going to be optimistic - we are already a quarter of the way through it!!! Yeah - and I'm already ready for spring!
Well...we are entering a new year, with lots of changes. Doug has been keeping himself busy setting up a "different" computer system. For a man that really wasn't a "computer person" a few years ago - he has come a long way! He started reading a lot of the on-line help on computer repair and going to the video's on-line, and has learned a lot. His regular computer is the one he got a year and a half ago - with Win7 on it, but he also wanted one with XP to do games on. Our neighbor bought a used computer from a character that I call "Whistle-Britches", and it didn't work right from the very beginning. He took it back a couple of times and the last time the guy took out the good modem and replaced it with a generic one that didn't work. Gary finally gave up on it and bought a different one from a used computer store in town. He gave the Whistle-Britches computer to Doug, and Doug spent days cleaning off files, defragging, running CCleaner over and over, and finally had it working pretty good. Then he discovered that the CD drive was not working - so he took one from our "computer graveyard" and installed it into the XP machine. Last year he had found a great splitter that allows you to hook up two computers to one monitor, keyboard and mouse, and just switch between the two by pushing a button. He added that to the setup and with a few adjustments, things were working. Next came trying to figure out how to get the XP computer on-line - and after a lot of thinking, searching, and trying to figure out a solution - we ended up at Radio Shack, and our trusty friend there mentioned that all we had to do was add an ethernet plug from the Netgear router hub - DUH! Somehow - neither one of us even thought of that! Now - it works great!!!
Yesterday I got a message from Brandi - someone stole her identity on Facebook, opening an account using her last name first, and then first name, and even stole the picture of her and Molli and posted it as theirs - which was weird! I had received an email asking for Jones Brandi to be my friend, which I thought was odd but I thought maybe she had forgotten her password or something and just opened a new account - especially when I approved her and saw that I was the only friend. What I didn't see was that the person was a male, born March 9, 1979 (wrong birthdate). I sent a message on FB asking her what was going on - and the person answered by saying "What's Up?". So when she sent a text saying someone stole her identity - I told her to call me! I wanted to be sure that the person texting was actually her...LOL!!! It was, so I logged into her account and reported the person and sent a message to all of her friends that had added the "fake" person letting them know that this was not really Brandi! It's a crazy world we live in - and that kind of thing is just a little bit scarey!
We chatted a while - and I told her about her brother disappearing off of facebook, along with his wife. I also told her that I've had it - no more games with him, no more forgiving and forgetting, I am totally out of trust and really don't want him around me. I assured her that I love him - he is my son - but I do NOT like him at all. The thing that I didn't tell her - and I need to, because I've done so much thinking about this, is that Andru is NOT the person we thought he was, maybe he never was. She remembers her brother, the kid with a heart, the kid that cared about people...but he has been gone for a long time. The first time, before Kenny died, we blamed Sally, thinking she was the bad influence. Then the next time we blamed Cindy, she broke his heart, and was a disaster in his life. Then the next time we blamed Shauna thinking she was keeping him away from his family. Then we started blaming Venus...but the truth - the whole truth the whole time - is that each and every time - the one consistant part - was Andru. It's NOT anyone else's fault - it's all him, and who he is. And that is kind of tough to face - but it's the truth. Nothing could have done anything different, no one can "fix" things, all you can do is face the fact that he is not the person we all thought he was. His "family" - meaning his parents, sister, cousins, aunts and uncles - mean nothing to him. Even his own son means nothing to him, because he is a financial burden that he doesn't want. It's really sad...and it reminds me of Kenny telling the kids, every time that they would get into it, that someday, they would be the only "family" they had left (meaning when he and I were both dead and gone). That was one of the things that Kenny was so wrong about - because Andru never cared about "family"...or if he ever did, he stopped a long time ago. It took me a long time to understand that...and at some point I need to share that with Brandi. Actually, she has gone through a lot, from a different perspective, because he totally shut down their brother/sister relationship a long time ago... In life...people can affect others in so many ways. We just have to learn to deal with the things that are negative - not letting them be detrimental to our lives, and remain positive about the blessings that we have on a daily basis.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Monday, December 27, 2010
Family...and looking back at the year
It's hard to believe how fast this year has gone - it's almost over, and we are approaching our anniversary! December 29th - we will be married 9 years - and so many people thought that we were crazy! Well, we were, but the good Lord meant for it to be, or we wouldn't be here today. We met, and 2 weeks later were engaged, and 3 months and a week after meeting we were married. Very impulsive, but very "right" for both of us.
And so much has happened over this past year...
Doug managed to reconcile with his son David and over the year there were phone calls and instant messages back and forth along with 2 Skype calls...and almost every time it would seem like things were starting to work out, but there was always hostility in the background, an edge to things that just didn't feel "natural". It was always made very clear that Davids life was too busy for interruptions, and a chat with dad was an interruption, which for a while he tolerated. In the past few months there was lots of drama, complaints about his brother and mother, medical crisis, stress that went on and on. At the end he became the "Drama King" as I named him - leaving a message like "Dougie did it again"...but no details! From all of the stories David had told us - we had NO clue what it was, but knew what it "could" be, and that wasn't good. Things finally fell totally apart last week - David was angry because his dad hadn't wished him a happy birthday, and had forgotten his son's birthday... There are always two viewpoints... David mentioned the baby's birthday, when he talked to Doug right after HIS birthday...but he never thought to say "by the way dad, Happy Birthday"... And in all the times he did call, he never talked about his sons, never said "guess what Aidan has been doing" or "Neiko is starting to crawl"...even when Doug asked how the boys were doing - the answer was always "good", and he would go onto something his mom had done. When you don't hear anything about a child - and especially when you consider that they were not even talking when Neiko was born...it's sort of easy not to remember a birthday. It's finally the point - to realize that David has a lot of anger and hostility, and he will probably never overcome it, because he is living in the past that no longer exists, and cannot let go of the fact that his dad got out of a bad situation his x-wife, but David still has to deal with her on a daily basis. You reach the point in life that you realize that sometimes, the only thing that you can do is go on with your life - and we are doing that.
And on son's, there is Dougie, who we finally put on a bus back to Pennsylvania. He lost his job around this time last year and still had warrants in PA so he decided to go back there and deal with things. Too much happened to go into, but hopefully once he gets off probation he will do something with his life. Getting a job and moving out of his mom's apartment would be a good start, but so far that doesn't seem to be happening.
This was the year of the sons I guess. Because there was mine also...I guess my "former son" the way things are at this point. He defines the statement "you can love someone and not like them" perfectly. He is my son and I love him, but I do not like him, and will never again in my life trust him. He has a pattern of turning on people unless they do what he wants, and the pattern started in 1999 when he was involved with a girl that we as parents didn't approve of (or HER parents for that matter!!!) and he walked out and cut us out of his life. Her dad at one time held a gun to her head and threatened to kill her...and yet he would tell HIS dad that he would take him fishing on Saturday...and not show up, then weeks later would drop by and talk about what a great time he and her dad had fishing at the pond on the farm. At the end, when his dad started having heart attacks, he actually brought her to the hospital, knowing how his dad felt. He stopped coming by the house at all before the second heart attack and we didn't even know where he lived, and his dad was in intensive care asking where his son was. It broke my heart...and we did finally find him, but he only stopped by for a few minutes. After that, Kenny made me promise that if anything happened, not to bother calling him, because if he didn't care about him, he didn't want him to feel like he had to come. So when Kenny had the 3rd and final heart attack, and was in surgery...I didn't call until I knew for sure that he wasn't going to make it.
It took a while before things started to work out, but when I married Doug, he was not happy. There was always a wedge, Doug would try to teach him to play guitar, which for a while he liked, even gave him a guitar...but then he lost interest. He said he wanted an old truck to fix up, so Doug gave him one and use of all the tools...he got the doors and hood off...and then he took off with another woman (who later turned out to be the mother of his son).
Too much to go into on here - but the final straw was when he got married and convinced us that he and his wife could live in an RV that they had found, but her parents would not co-sign on a loan for them, then later the story was that they didn't have good enough credit. Like fools, we agreed to try to help them out - but it turned out their credit was so bad that the banks wouldn't write the loan with their names on it! We ended up getting the loan, with the understanding that they would make the monthly payments to us, along with the insurance, and that the taxes would have to be paid also. They actually made some of the payments, about half, never paid any of the insurance, or the taxes. So we ended up paying all of the insurance, paying the taxes a year later, and are still making the payments. He had also borrowed over $700 for his lawyer when he was trying to get the child support issue with Gavin worked out - and has said he could pay it back in 30 days - that has been way over a year ago. We finally took the RV back this summer when it reached the point that they were 6 months behind on payments (plus no insurance, taxes, etc) - and that was the final straw for them. First, Venus wanted to know if they could live in it, in OUR back yard, but the way they fight and all the drama Venus is able to create - there was NO way that was going to happen! Then they wanted to know if they paid the taxes, could they have it back. Considering that Venus had already told me that they were planning to take it to Oklahoma, we said no, you can have it back when you have PAID for it. Out of the clear blue sky - I get an email from Venus telling me that Andru had said over and over that he never wanted to speak to me again, and now she agreed, and they didn't want to ever speak to us, and we could keep the RV. I sent Andru a text asking him if he had read the email, and he said yes. That is the last time we had any contact, and will probably be the last ever. I am where Kenny was at back in 1999...he wants nothing to do with me, so be it. I do NOT need that kind of stress and crap, and I certainly am not going to tolerate being treated like that. End of story. I actually think that Andru is like his Uncle Mick...he doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself. He has an adorable son that is like a carbon copy of him when he was little - and he has nothing to do with the child, which is hearbreaking, and of course Gavin doesn't understand. Andru is angry at Gavin and his mom because he has to pay child support...which means he has less money to spend. Not save, because he doesn't save, he spends and spends. And one day...he is going to end up in serious trouble, because it has been something like 4 years since he has filed taxes. Even our neighbors are getting phone calls from bill collectors looking for them - because at one time Andru and Gavin's mom lived at that address! So some day...he will end up getting "caught up" with - and I imagine Venus will drop him like a hot potato!
Enough of that drama though...all the boys are adults - and they have to work out their own problems - because they are NOT our problems!!! Thank goodness!!!
So...we have our girls - Doug has his daughter Tammy who is living in New York right now, and plans to move back to Georgia once Jeff's job is finished there. She stays in contact - and we went to Georgia last summer to meet Jeff. And we have Brandi, who is living in Independence with her husband Tommy and adorable daughter Molli - they came to visit us this summer for a week, and it was a delight getting to know Molli.
And...our lives go on. After this past year - one wonders what this new year will hold in store for us? Less drama I hope! There has been one wonderful thing that has happened!!! I can't forget to mention this one! I was born with cataracts - and in November I started the surgeries to have the cataracts removed and lens implants were done at the same time. For the first time in 42 years - I can see without glasses!!! It still amazes me - every day, that I can actually see "details" now - it had been many years since I had vision like this - if I ever did!!!
Anyway - that is the story for now... More later!
And so much has happened over this past year...
Doug managed to reconcile with his son David and over the year there were phone calls and instant messages back and forth along with 2 Skype calls...and almost every time it would seem like things were starting to work out, but there was always hostility in the background, an edge to things that just didn't feel "natural". It was always made very clear that Davids life was too busy for interruptions, and a chat with dad was an interruption, which for a while he tolerated. In the past few months there was lots of drama, complaints about his brother and mother, medical crisis, stress that went on and on. At the end he became the "Drama King" as I named him - leaving a message like "Dougie did it again"...but no details! From all of the stories David had told us - we had NO clue what it was, but knew what it "could" be, and that wasn't good. Things finally fell totally apart last week - David was angry because his dad hadn't wished him a happy birthday, and had forgotten his son's birthday... There are always two viewpoints... David mentioned the baby's birthday, when he talked to Doug right after HIS birthday...but he never thought to say "by the way dad, Happy Birthday"... And in all the times he did call, he never talked about his sons, never said "guess what Aidan has been doing" or "Neiko is starting to crawl"...even when Doug asked how the boys were doing - the answer was always "good", and he would go onto something his mom had done. When you don't hear anything about a child - and especially when you consider that they were not even talking when Neiko was born...it's sort of easy not to remember a birthday. It's finally the point - to realize that David has a lot of anger and hostility, and he will probably never overcome it, because he is living in the past that no longer exists, and cannot let go of the fact that his dad got out of a bad situation his x-wife, but David still has to deal with her on a daily basis. You reach the point in life that you realize that sometimes, the only thing that you can do is go on with your life - and we are doing that.
And on son's, there is Dougie, who we finally put on a bus back to Pennsylvania. He lost his job around this time last year and still had warrants in PA so he decided to go back there and deal with things. Too much happened to go into, but hopefully once he gets off probation he will do something with his life. Getting a job and moving out of his mom's apartment would be a good start, but so far that doesn't seem to be happening.
This was the year of the sons I guess. Because there was mine also...I guess my "former son" the way things are at this point. He defines the statement "you can love someone and not like them" perfectly. He is my son and I love him, but I do not like him, and will never again in my life trust him. He has a pattern of turning on people unless they do what he wants, and the pattern started in 1999 when he was involved with a girl that we as parents didn't approve of (or HER parents for that matter!!!) and he walked out and cut us out of his life. Her dad at one time held a gun to her head and threatened to kill her...and yet he would tell HIS dad that he would take him fishing on Saturday...and not show up, then weeks later would drop by and talk about what a great time he and her dad had fishing at the pond on the farm. At the end, when his dad started having heart attacks, he actually brought her to the hospital, knowing how his dad felt. He stopped coming by the house at all before the second heart attack and we didn't even know where he lived, and his dad was in intensive care asking where his son was. It broke my heart...and we did finally find him, but he only stopped by for a few minutes. After that, Kenny made me promise that if anything happened, not to bother calling him, because if he didn't care about him, he didn't want him to feel like he had to come. So when Kenny had the 3rd and final heart attack, and was in surgery...I didn't call until I knew for sure that he wasn't going to make it.
It took a while before things started to work out, but when I married Doug, he was not happy. There was always a wedge, Doug would try to teach him to play guitar, which for a while he liked, even gave him a guitar...but then he lost interest. He said he wanted an old truck to fix up, so Doug gave him one and use of all the tools...he got the doors and hood off...and then he took off with another woman (who later turned out to be the mother of his son).
Too much to go into on here - but the final straw was when he got married and convinced us that he and his wife could live in an RV that they had found, but her parents would not co-sign on a loan for them, then later the story was that they didn't have good enough credit. Like fools, we agreed to try to help them out - but it turned out their credit was so bad that the banks wouldn't write the loan with their names on it! We ended up getting the loan, with the understanding that they would make the monthly payments to us, along with the insurance, and that the taxes would have to be paid also. They actually made some of the payments, about half, never paid any of the insurance, or the taxes. So we ended up paying all of the insurance, paying the taxes a year later, and are still making the payments. He had also borrowed over $700 for his lawyer when he was trying to get the child support issue with Gavin worked out - and has said he could pay it back in 30 days - that has been way over a year ago. We finally took the RV back this summer when it reached the point that they were 6 months behind on payments (plus no insurance, taxes, etc) - and that was the final straw for them. First, Venus wanted to know if they could live in it, in OUR back yard, but the way they fight and all the drama Venus is able to create - there was NO way that was going to happen! Then they wanted to know if they paid the taxes, could they have it back. Considering that Venus had already told me that they were planning to take it to Oklahoma, we said no, you can have it back when you have PAID for it. Out of the clear blue sky - I get an email from Venus telling me that Andru had said over and over that he never wanted to speak to me again, and now she agreed, and they didn't want to ever speak to us, and we could keep the RV. I sent Andru a text asking him if he had read the email, and he said yes. That is the last time we had any contact, and will probably be the last ever. I am where Kenny was at back in 1999...he wants nothing to do with me, so be it. I do NOT need that kind of stress and crap, and I certainly am not going to tolerate being treated like that. End of story. I actually think that Andru is like his Uncle Mick...he doesn't give a damn about anyone but himself. He has an adorable son that is like a carbon copy of him when he was little - and he has nothing to do with the child, which is hearbreaking, and of course Gavin doesn't understand. Andru is angry at Gavin and his mom because he has to pay child support...which means he has less money to spend. Not save, because he doesn't save, he spends and spends. And one day...he is going to end up in serious trouble, because it has been something like 4 years since he has filed taxes. Even our neighbors are getting phone calls from bill collectors looking for them - because at one time Andru and Gavin's mom lived at that address! So some day...he will end up getting "caught up" with - and I imagine Venus will drop him like a hot potato!
Enough of that drama though...all the boys are adults - and they have to work out their own problems - because they are NOT our problems!!! Thank goodness!!!
So...we have our girls - Doug has his daughter Tammy who is living in New York right now, and plans to move back to Georgia once Jeff's job is finished there. She stays in contact - and we went to Georgia last summer to meet Jeff. And we have Brandi, who is living in Independence with her husband Tommy and adorable daughter Molli - they came to visit us this summer for a week, and it was a delight getting to know Molli.
And...our lives go on. After this past year - one wonders what this new year will hold in store for us? Less drama I hope! There has been one wonderful thing that has happened!!! I can't forget to mention this one! I was born with cataracts - and in November I started the surgeries to have the cataracts removed and lens implants were done at the same time. For the first time in 42 years - I can see without glasses!!! It still amazes me - every day, that I can actually see "details" now - it had been many years since I had vision like this - if I ever did!!!
Anyway - that is the story for now... More later!
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